


Hold On

by CassidyBlue



Category: Major Crimes (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance, Shandy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2015-06-08
Packaged: 2018-03-01 23:44:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2792027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassidyBlue/pseuds/CassidyBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A message from an old friend rocks Andy to the core, dragging him back into a dark past he has worked so hard to forget. As his demons threaten to consume him, can he be saved from himself - or is it already too late?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Then Can We Begin

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own them, much to my eternal sadness. I am but borrowing them for just a little while. 
> 
> A/N: Yes, I am back to where my fic-writing first began - Shandy Angst! This is a fairly short multi-chapter which is almost complete before posting (unheard of for me!). All the chapters should be up in fairly rapid succession, hopefully within the next 24 hours or so.
> 
> Unfortunately, I somehow managed to lose the entire fic as I was getting ready to publish, so I had to re-write it all from memory! Apologies if the quality is subsequently below-par - I tried, but was somewhat frustrated by the whole situation! 
> 
> It was my birthday at the weekend, so this is my gift to all of you. Thank you all for being so great - I really hope you enjoy this. Please, please do let me know your thoughts - I value each and every one.
> 
> All mistakes are mine alone.

The tap on her office door was far more gentle than his usual heavier knock, but Sharon Raydor still recognised it as belonging to Andy Flynn. She looked up from the file she was reading as he entered, the bright smile she usually wore at his arrival freezing in place as soon as she took in his demeanour. His shoulders were slumped and he wore a stricken expression on his handsome face that immediately struck fear into her heart.

“Andy, what is it?” she asked softly, beckoning him further into the room. 

He took a deep breath as he closed the door behind him, running a hand through his hair before turning slowly and moving towards the chair that was placed in front of her desk. Sharon was already on her feet, closing the blinds to offer him some privacy before coming to stand in front of him, leaning against the large desk as she waited for him to speak.

Andy seemed to wrestle with his words for a few moments before finally looking up at her, his dark eyes brimming with unshed tears. 

“I’m going to need to take a few days off, Captain…”

He didn’t continue, just bowed his head again, his hands twisting together in his lap, betraying his agitation. She was really concerned, now. Kneeling down in front of him, Sharon took his hands in both of hers, holding them still as she looked up at him. Her thumbs stroked the backs of his hands in a calming rhythm.

“What’s going on?” 

“I have to go back east.” His voice was barely above a whisper now. “An old friend called. He has end-stage liver disease…he doesn’t have long left and he…” Andy choked back a sob. “He wants to see me…before…”

He closed his eyes then, a tear escaping and rolling slowly down his face. Sharon lifted a hand and caught it with her thumb, touching her palm to his cheek in comfort as she did so.

“My God,” she murmured. “I’m so sorry, honey.”

“That’s not the worst part.” Andy barked out a bitter laugh and she raised an eyebrow at him, confused. He met her questioning gaze, his eyes filled with self-loathing. “The worst part is…” He took a shuddering breath. “The worst part is, I don’t want to go.”

She smiled sympathetically at him as she finally thought she understood his anguish.

“It’s okay,” she reassured him quietly. “It’s not an easy thing to do. It’s natural to feel anxious about it…”

He shook his head at her.

“No, that’s not it, Sharon. I _want_ to see him. We were good friends once. It’s the right thing to do - to say goodbye.”

“Okay…” She laid a hand against his face again lightly and he leaned in to her touch, seeming to draw strength from her. “Then why don’t you want to go?”

He closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to find the words to explain to her how he felt. Eventually, he managed to choke out the real reason for his anxiety.

“I haven’t set foot there since the day I first left, Sharon - and I swore I _never_ would. I don’t want to go, because I don’t know if I can bear being back in that place again.” His gaze was intense as he looked into her beautiful green eyes. “I’m scared, Sharon…”

Now that he had said it out loud, it seemed even more pathetic than it had sounded in his own head. He looked down at his feet, which were shuffling uncomfortably against the floor of her office.

“Why, Andy? What happened?”

As she watched a look of raw pain cross his face, Sharon felt tears pricking her own eyes. Thinking back over the many years she had known this man, she realised that Andy had never spoken about his early life on the east coast. He never mentioned _anything_ that happened before his arrival in California. The hole in his past suddenly seemed huge and she wondered why she had never noticed it before.

“I can’t.” His voice shook and he looked completely broken as his eyes begged her not to press the issue. “I’m sorry, Sharon. I just can’t…”

Rising slowly to her feet, Sharon perched on the edge of her desk once more. She held her hands out for him and he took hold of them, coming to stand in front of her. Immediately, she slipped her arms around his waist, pulling him nearer still. His expression had changed to one of bewilderment at her actions - she always insisted on keeping displays of affection out of the office, for many and obvious reasons. In this instance, however, she decided that he needed her touch more than she needed to adhere to her own policy. She smiled reassuringly up at him as his warmth surrounded her, and he rested his hands on her shoulders, his fingers absently playing with the silky strands of herpretty brunette hair - it was a habit of his that she secretly loved. 

Laying her head on his chest, Sharon sighed inwardly as she wondered how to tackle this unexpected and obviously painful situation. She wished he would talk to her about whatever was causing him so much anguish, but she knew from experience that Andy could not be pushed. Trying to force him to open up would only have the opposite effect, she knew. She would have to wait, let him talk to her when he was ready. In the meantime, there had to be something that she could do to help him through this… 

Quickly formulating a plan, Sharon decided that the best thing to do for him now was to take control. He was lost and he needed someone to guide him - and _that_ she could certainly do. Her decision was reinforced when she lifted her head to look at him once more and found his cheeks wet with tears.

“It’s alright, Andy.” She leaned in to him, pressing a kiss against the corner of his mouth. “Everything will be alright. I promise.”

“I’m sorry…” he started, but she hushed him with another quick kiss, before hopping down from her perch on the desk.

“I have a couple of errands to run.” Sharon squeezed his shoulder supportively as she moved past him. “Stay here for a bit, get yourself together.”  
He threw her a grateful - if rather watery - smile before she turned and left the office, pulling the door closed behind her. Ignoring the questioning glances of the rest of her team - most noticeably Provenza, who threw a pointed look at her office door when his partner failed to emerge - she left the murder room, heading determinedly towards Assistant Chief Taylor’s office.

 

✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻

 

Russell Taylor’s expression was unreadable as Sharon stood in front of his desk, and she began to wonder if he had even heard what she had just said to him.

“I know I said at the beginning that our relationship wouldn’t affect our work,” she continued quickly. “And that is still the case, Sir, but I can’t just let him…”

Taylor held a hand up to stop her. 

“It’s alright, Captain. Of course you should go - I’d think less of you if you hadn’t wanted to.”

Now it was Sharon’s turn to stare blankly. Did he really just agree to this with no argument? Where was the anger, the sarcasm, the thinly-veiled contempt that she was so used to? Not that she was ungrateful for his surprisingly accommodating attitude, but she was sure there must be a catch somewhere. 

“Obviously, if something happens and I’m needed here, I’ll come right back…”

“Sharon.” He halted her speech again. “Where you are needed right now is with Lieutenant Flynn. Provenza and I can manage things here for a few days, I’m sure.”

Sharon almost cringed just thinking about _that_.

“Still, I…”

“Go, Captain.” He said firmly. “Be with Flynn.” He couldn’t hide his smile at the look of shock that she had failed to keep from her face. “Look, Captain - we may not always get along, but we always look after our own. Consider this my way of doing that.”

She still wasn’t completely convinced, but she decided to take what she could get and deal with the consequences later. Besides, it was only a few weeks before Christmas - maybe this was just Taylor’s own special brand of goodwill…

“Thank you, Sir,” she murmured, heading for the door before the man could change his mind.

“I’ll see you in a few days,” he smiled. “And Captain…”

“Yes, Chief?” Here it came, Sharon thought. The catch that she had been waiting for.

“Safe journey.”

Her eyes widened in surprise.

“Um, thank you, Chief Taylor…” Sharon offered him a small wave and a bewildered expression as she left his office, closing the door firmly behind her on what had to be the oddest conversation she’d had all year.

 

✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻

 

Entering her office, Sharon found Andy seated once more in the chair before her desk. He was vaguely flicking through one of the reports from their last case, more for something to occupy his hands than out of any desire to actually read it. He looked up as she entered and she moved to stand behind him, squeezing his shoulders as she dropped a kiss on the top of his head. He tossed the file onto her desk and leaned back in response, covering one of her hands with his own and lacing their fingers together, before bringing their joined hands to his lips and tenderly kissing her palm.

“The flight to New York leaves first thing tomorrow morning,” Sharon informed him softly, running her fingers through his hair. “Gavin knows someone at the airline, he’s managed to arrange an upgrade for us.”

“That’s…great.” Andy swallowed hard. Apparently he was really doing this. “Wait…” Her words had suddenly registered with him. “… _us_?”

She moved around in front of him before sitting once more on her desk.

“Of course _us_ ,” she smiled. “You didn’t really think I’d let you do this alone, did you?”

His grateful smile told her all she needed to know - this had definitely been the right call, whatever price she may have to pay with Taylor later. Andy stood, placing his hands on either side of her face and kissing her hard. 

“Thank you,” he whispered, his forehead briefly touching hers before he pulled back and turned, heading for the exit. He paused with his hand on the door handle and Sharon nodded at him, suddenly overcome with emotion herself.

Whatever the next few days may have in store for them, she was sure they could get through it together. 

 

✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻

 

Placing her small suitcase by the front door, Sharon sighed deeply. She was spending the night with Andy so that they could leave together for the airport in the morning. They had an early start, so being in the same place made sense. If she were being completely truthful with herself, she also wanted to make sure that he was alright - and leaving him alone for the night did not seem like the best option for ensuring his emotional wellbeing. At least with her there, he would have support if he needed it. 

And she had a feeling that he _would_ need it.

Pasting what she hoped was a convincingly bright smile on her face, Sharon turned to face her youngest son, who was hovering beside her, obviously concerned about the unfolding events. 

“So,” she said quickly. “I’ll text you when we’re leaving in the morning, and again when we get there.”

Rusty rolled his eyes and nodded. 

“I know, Sharon. We’ve been over this.” 

He grinned at her, not really annoyed. Truth be told, he rather liked having someone in his life who cared enough to fuss over him like this.

“And if you need anything…”

“I’ll call Lieutenant Provenza, or Buzz, or Lieutenant Tao. But I won’t need anything, Sharon. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“I know.” 

But she did, anyway. She smiled at him again, the warmth finally reaching her eyes, and her heart constricted with the love she felt for this boy. _Her_ boy. 

“You just go and take care of Flynn, okay?” 

Rusty’s concern was genuine. He had grown to care a great deal for Andy in the last few months, particularly since he and Sharon had started dating. He made Sharon happy which, in turn, made Rusty happy. They may appear to be an odd little family unit from the outside, but it worked for them - and there was real affection there. 

“I will do my best.” 

Sharon’s smile faltered as she ruffled his hair with her fingertips, and she swallowed hard in an attempt to keep her emotions at bay long enough to get out of the condo without worrying her son. Unfortunately, she had forgotten just how perceptive Rusty could be when he wanted to. 

He studied her for a moment, as if wondering whether to pose the question that was playing on his mind. Eventually, he decided that it couldn’t hurt to ask.

“Why is he so afraid of going back there, Sharon?”

She paused, surprised that he had enquired so directly - and not entirely sure how to answer him.

“I don’t know,” she replied honestly. “But he’ll talk about it when he’s ready.”

As Rusty’s arms came around her in a tight hug, she could only hope that those words would prove to be true.


	2. One Heart Hurt Another

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Apologies for the delay in posting - I know, I’m useless. You should be used to it by now, really! In my defence, there seems to be some kind of conspiracy against me getting this fic uploaded in one piece - but I shall not be deterred. Just delayed, apparently.
> 
> Content warning for profanity in this chapter. Not a lot, but enough to mention :)

It had been late afternoon when Andy and Sharon finally arrived at their Brooklyn hotel after a long day spent travelling - far too late for hospital visiting. Instead, they had simply relaxed in their room, ordering something to eat before turning in for the night. Andy’s mood had been sombre all day and he was still resolutely refusing to talk about whatever it was that had him so worked up about coming back to New York. 

Not that his behaviour was cold - far from it, he was as sweet and caring towards Sharon as always. There was a distance about him, though - as if he had become emotionally guarded. It was so unlike him that Sharon couldn’t help but be concerned by it. His lack of communication worried her more than she would let on to him. He would usually have opened up by now, and she found herself wondering what could possibly be so terrible that he couldn’t bring himself to mention it at all - even to her.

_Especially_ to her.

 

✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ 

 

That had been yesterday.

Standing on the Fifth Avenue sidewalk now, Andy took a deep breath as he glanced up at the modern-looking façade of Mount Sinai Hospital. He and Sharon had shared a cab from the hotel to Manhattan’s Upper East Side, and though she had offered to come with him to the hospital, he had managed to persuade her to go shopping instead. He knew that it wasn’t often she was able to spend a whole day indulging her love of high-end fashion stores and he figured it was the least he could do for her, as she had come all this way with him. Besides, this visit was really something that he needed to face alone. As they parted ways, they agreed to meet back at the hotel later.

Making his way slowly through the hospital now, towards the ward where his friend was being cared for, Andy felt the decades falling away from him. As he walked, he felt less like the senior LAPD detective he was, and more like the naive, devastated teenager he had been the last time he was in this city - it was a feeling he didn’t relish one bit.

After enquiring at the nurses’ station as to his friend’s location, Andy headed along a brightly-lit corridor, coming to a stop outside a room to his left. The name on the door told him this was indeed where he needed to be.

‘ _Daniel Malone_ ’

Danny.

His friend. 

Clearing his throat and forcing a smile onto his face, Andy knocked once and pushed open the door, trying to ignore the tight knot of anxiety that was festering in the pit of his stomach. Entering the small room, he was taken aback by the sight that greeted him.

Instead of the strong, handsome high school kid he remembered, the man in the bed was frail and tired. His skin was jaundiced, his face lined, and the clear green eyes that Andy remembered were dulled by years of pain and sickness. 

The pervasive anxiety that he had felt since he realised he would be coming back to this place was instantly replaced by a deep-seated compassion for the man who had once been his very best friend. Immediately, he regretted not being here sooner - not being able to support Danny through what must be the lowest point of his life. 

“Hey.”

Andy spoke softly, closing the door behind him as the figure in the bed turned his head to face his visitor.

“ _Andy_.” Danny’s voice was hoarse and his eyes filled with tears as he saw his friend for the first time in more than three decades. “You came.”

“Of course I came,” Andy smiled. 

He watched as the other man’s face crumpled, his eyes wet as he looked up from the bed. Holding a shaking hand out to Andy, he spoke again in a voice that creaked with the effort of being used. 

“I did it, Andy. It was me. I’m the one.”

Andy frowned, confused.

“You did what, buddy?” 

Andy moved over to the bed, settling himself in the nearest chair and studying his old friend closely as he took his hand. He really looked nothing like the boy that Andy remembered - but then, he supposed they were all getting old. Nothing they could do about that. He looked around at the machines surrounding Danny’s bed. The guy must be out of his mind on pain meds, Andy decided - he certainly wasn’t making any sense.

Until, suddenly, he did.

“I did it,” Danny tried again, more insistent this time. “I killed Abby.”

Andy’s blood ran cold. He dropped Danny’s hand back to the bed as the room began to spin around him. The knot was back in his stomach at the mere sound of her name, clenching at his insides until he couldn’t breathe.

This was it: The reason he had never wanted to return to New York. The spectre from his past that never quite went away, however hard he tried to forget. 

The name that he swore would never leave his lips again.

Abby.

 

✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ 

 

The Christmas lights adorning the whole of Fifth Avenue twinkled down at Sharon as she stood motionless on the sidewalk, breathing in the crisp December air that was so different from the warmth of Los Angeles. The bustle of people hurrying around her only seemed to intensify her feeling of isolation, and she found herself wishing that she had insisted on accompanying Andy to the hospital instead of allowing him to talk her into a day spent idly shopping. Gazing up at the sky, she noticed a pale - almost ethereal - hue, that hinted at the possibility of snow later.

The whole experience would have been magical, if not for the reason behind her presence in this city - and the nagging worry about the man she had accompanied here that refused to leave her alone.

 

✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ 

 

Trembling, Andy stood with his back against the wall of Danny’s hospital room, his dark eyes wide with disbelief. 

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” he muttered, shaking his head. He ran a hand raggedly through his hair.

“I do, Andy. I do know - and now I need you to know, too.”

“You’re crazy.”

“No, Andy. I’m dying, but I’m not crazy.” Danny’s pale eyes were haunted, but contained an unmistakeable clarity as they steadfastly held Andy’s gaze. There was no confusion there - only truth. “Please, let me tell you what really happened that night.”

The small part of his mind that was still operating as a police officer suddenly made Andy realise what he needed to do. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his cell phone with disconcertingly numb fingers. Pressing the button which set the device to record the conversation, he sat stiffly in the chair beside the bed.

“Okay,” he responded, his tone flat. “Tell me.” 

Danny nodded, and began to speak in his dry, halting voice…

“She looked so beautiful that night, Andy. Do you remember?”

Of course he remembered. 

She had been wearing a simple, white sun dress which accentuated the suntan she had picked up in her after-school job at Central Park Zoo. Her long, dark hair was swept up in a simple ponytail and the minimal makeup she wore brought out the depth in her large, cornflower-blue eyes. 

Around her neck was the simple, silver crucifix that Andy had given her for their one-year anniversary the week before. As they left for the party at his baseball team-mate’s house, he presented her with a small, pink teddy bear. He had meant to give it to her along with the necklace, but had forgotten. The way her eyes lit up at the gift and the smile she gave him more than made up for that, though. 

The eighteen-year-old Andy Flynn honestly thought he had never seen anything lovelier. 

“I knew that night that I loved her.” Andy was drawn back to the present by Danny’s voice.As their eyes met, the sick man’s tone turned bitter. “But of course, she was with you. Because why would _anyone_ want Danny when they could have Andy, right?”

“What happened?” 

Andy’s voice was a whisper. He hardly dared to ask the question. He didn’t know if he could stand to hear the answer, but it was too late now. Danny had started this and now, he needed to know everything.

“She came into the kitchen looking for you,” Danny started, his eyes taking on a faraway look as he lost himself in the memory. “And she smiled at me. Flirted…”

Andy’s eyes narrowed and he felt his temper rise.

“ _Flirted_? You mean she was nice to you? Like she was nice to everyone, because that’s just who she was!”

Danny ignored the outburst.

“She asked where you were and I knew that you were outside with the other guys from the team, but…something stopped me from telling her that. I suddenly thought, if I could just get her alone, maybe I could tell her how I felt about her. Maybe she would feel the same way.” Danny swallowed hard. “So, I lied. I told her you left. I told her that you asked me to walk her home and she just came right along with me. She didn’t even question it…”

Pushing his chair back violently, Andy started pacing the length of the small room as Danny watched him intently. 

“What did you do, Danny?” Andy spun around to face the bed, before marching furiously towards it. Grabbing the other man’s throat, Andy leaned down until their faces were mere centimetres apart. “ _What the fuck did you do?_ ”

“We were walking through the park,” Danny spoke quickly, shrinking away from Andy’s rage. “I told her how I felt about her - how I’d always felt about her. She smiled again, and I thought that it was really going to happen, she was going to tell me she loved me, too.” His face darkened. “But then she apologised. She told me she hadn’t meant to give me the wrong impression, but that she loved _you_.” He glared defiantly at Andy, despite the larger man’s fingers still at his throat. “It wasn’t fair, Andy. You could have had any girl you wanted. Why did you have to want _her_?” He shook his head. “Why did _she_ have to want _you_?” He dropped his gaze, lost in his torturous memory now. “I just snapped. I don’t remember exactly what happened, but when I came back to my senses I was standing over her and she was dead.” He lifted his eyes to meet Andy’s. “I’d killed her.”

The memory of Abby smiling and laughing as they left for the party was instantly replaced by another, horrific image - the last image he ever had of her. Her body was laying bruised and abandoned in the park, eyes open and her neck obviously broken. Her dress was pushed up and her underwear was gone. In her hand, she clutched a tiny, pink bear.

The police had shown him the picture when they interrogated him the next morning - as her boyfriend he was a suspect, although his alibi was strong. Andy knew from his own experience how effective an image like that could be in forcing a suspect to break, but oh, God, how he wished he could erase that picture from his mind. For months afterward when he closed his eyes - when he tried to remember Abby - that awful photograph was all he could see. 

Suddenly, Andy’s vision turned red. His fingers tightened around Danny’s throat even as the weaker man thrashed and struggled for air. He watched Danny’s eyes widen in panic, pleading with him to let him go, but he couldn’t. He increased the pressure, unable to stop himself now. 

All at once, another image flashed before Andy’s eyes. 

_Sharon_.

With a roar, he released his hold on Danny’s throat. As the other man coughed and spluttered, trying to force air into his lungs, Andy braced himself against the wall. He rested his head against the cool surface and willed himself to calm down - at least enough to not kill the guy before he had all the answers he needed. 

 

✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ 

 

As she browsed the many and varied department store window displays, Sharon couldn’t shake the feeling that something was very, very wrong. 

At any other time, she would have relished Christmas shopping - especially in New York - but today, she just couldn't seem to relax. She certainly wasn’t anywhere near to enjoying herself, however much she tried. Even a good hour spent in the Armani store hadn’t lifted her spirits much - a clear indicator that there was definitely something amiss. Her heart just wasn’t in this today. It was with _him_ , instead.

Suddenly, she would give anything to be back in Los Angeles with Andy and her team, trying to solve some impossible crime or other. Anything, other than being here, now, like this. Anything other than feeling so helplessly alone, unable to do a damn thing to help the man she loved.

 

✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ 

 

Andy sat on the floor with his back against the wall, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. His cheeks were wet with tears he hadn’t even realised he had cried. 

“What the fuck do you want from me?” Andy spat at his former friend. “Why did you ask me to come here?”

“I needed you to know,” Danny said simply, rubbing his throat. “Before it was too late. I needed you to forgive me.”

“Forgive you?!” Andy jumped to his feet, fury turning his insides to granite. “You want absolution, asshole? After what you did?” Andy snarled. “Call a fucking priest! You won’t find any from me.”

He turned and pulled the door open with such force that it hit the wall, a loud bang echoing along the deserted corridor outside. With one final look at the pathetic creature in the bed by the window, Andy turned and strode quickly away.

 

✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻

 

Checking her phone for what must have been the hundredth time that afternoon and still finding no message from Andy, Sharon finally gave up. She sighed and walked out of the small boutique that she had been half-heartedly scouring. It was time to admit defeat.

Hailing a cab, Sharon climbed in and placed the few bags she had managed to accrue on to the seat next to her. Directing the driver to the hotel, she hummed in disappointment at the way the day had turned out. 

She was probably completely overreacting. There was surely nothing to be concerned about at all - he was only visiting an old friend. Still…at least this way she would be at the hotel soon, just in case he needed her…

 

✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ 

 

Andy stormed through the front entrance and into the lobby of the hotel. He had no idea where he was headed, his mind so consumed with anger, hatred and revulsion that he seemed to have lost control of his other senses completely. Instinct took over, guiding him back into an all-too-familiar routine without him even noticing. 

When he finally came back to himself enough to study his surroundings, he realised that he was seated on a stool at the hotel bar - a large glass of bourbon set on the wooden counter in front of him. 

He studied the amber liquid intently. It seemed to mock him, tormenting him with its very presence, enticing him in to its warm embrace.

With shaking fingers, Andy reached out and touched the rim of the glass, before lifting it to his nose. He breathed in the familiar aroma, closing his eyes as his mind was overtaken with unwanted memories - thoughts that he knew this enchanting liquid would be able to remove from him, at least for a while.

He could almost taste it already and he ached to have the strong flavour on his lips, to feel the burn in his throat and the warmth flooding through him, giving him the relief that only alcohol could bring.

All he needed was one drink. A taste. A sip, just to take the edge off this indescribable pain that was tearing at his very soul. Just one sip to help him forget.

Almost twenty years of sobriety seemed to melt away in a heartbeat. What did it even matter any more?

With a trembling hand, Andy raised the glass to his lips.


	3. One Heart Can Mend Another

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, that was more like an eternal hiatus than my usual ‘slight’ delay! Personal issues - I am so sorry. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was nobody at all still interested in reading this…
> 
> However, if you are indeed hanging in there - THANK YOU! If you have time, it may help to re-familiarise yourself with Chapters 1 and 2…and we’re good to go!
> 
> My aim is to complete this over the weekend so that it’s out of the way in time for Monday. (Not that we are getting the show in the UK yet, but I know the majority of you will be in Major Crimes heaven come Monday night!) 2 more chapters remain - and comments will certainly encourage me to finish up (she pleads longingly) ;)

Sharon was only a few blocks from the hotel, staring somewhat miserably through the window of the taxi, when her cell phone finally rang. She answered immediately, relief flooding through her at the sound of his voice. ****

“ _Sharon?_ ”

“Where are you, Andy? Are you okay?”

“ _I’m at the hotel._ ” He was silent for a long while then and for a moment Sharon wondered whether he had hung up. She was about to end the call when he spoke again, his voice small. “ _I’m in the bar, Sharon._ ”

Sharon’s stomach dropped. He was _where_? What the hell happened? Her blood ran cold as an icy knot formed in the pit of her belly. She fought to keep her voice steady as she answered him, even as the first tendrils of fear caused her heart to race and tears begin to prick her eyes.

“It’s alright,” she reassured him softly. “I’m almost there, Andy. It’s going to be alright.”

“ _Sharon…_ ” His voice had dropped almost to a whisper now and she was fairly certain he was crying.

“Yes, honey?”

“ _Please hurry._ ”

 

✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻

 

Dread clutched at Sharon’s heart as she raced through the entrance hall of the hotel, heading straight for the room to her left. The bar was almost empty this early in the afternoon and she spotted him as soon as she entered. She stopped short, her hand covering her mouth as she tried to push her fear back down inside. Andy needed her to be calm now, she couldn’t show him just how scared the mere sight of him in this place had made her. 

He was seated at the bar, lost and alone, a full tumbler of what must surely be bourbon in front of him. Sharon approached slowly, a heavy feeling of trepidation settling over her. As she drew nearer, she realised that he was almost physically fighting with himself, frantically trying to resist the urge to take that first drink.

Andy’s hand shook as it hovered in the air over the glass, before picking it up - only to put it straight back down again, his fist clenching as his mind tried desperately to overrule his base instinct. His jaw twitched as he ground his teeth together furiously, his other hand rubbing back and forth over his hair in a vain attempt at mustering what little self-control he had left - which, at this point, was hardly any at all. 

He was so very ready to give in.

“ _Andy_.”

He turned towards her at the sound of his name and Sharon was completely unprepared for his visceral reaction to her presence. Pushing the tumbler violently away from him along the counter he spun around on his stool, his arms going immediately around her waist and tugging her towards him. A strangled sob escaped him as he clung to her, burying his face in her neck as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders in response, holding him tight. She placed a cool hand at the back of his neck, her fingers stroking his skin gently as she rocked him slightly in her embrace.

“It’s alright, honey.” Her voice cracked, the tears she was fighting now pushing their way to the surface. “It’s alright,” she repeated softly. “I’m right here. I’ve got you, honey, you’re safe.”

They stayed like that for several minutes, before Sharon gathered the strength to face what needed to be done next. Pulling back from him slightly, she rested her hands on either side of his face, her thumbs carefully wiping the tears from his cheeks. Andy looked up at her sadly, his dark eyes exhausted. 

“We’re going to go upstairs now, okay?” Sharon’s voice was firm, if a little wobbly. Andy nodded solemnly at her words. “And you are going to tell me what’s going on, honey.” He dropped his gaze but nodded once more, his arms squeezing her just a little tighter before releasing her completely. 

He didn’t speak until they were in the lobby, waiting for the elevator that would take them upstairs. 

“You shouldn’t be here, Sharon,” he muttered softly. Her eyes widened at his words and she stared at him in confusion. “I’m no good for you,” he continued, a guilty expression now clouding his features. “I’m just as bad as Jack.”

Sharon reacted instantly - and fiercely. Pulling him around to face her, she placed her hands back against his cheeks, compelling him to look at her.

“You listen to me, Andrew Flynn - and listen good. You are _nothing_ like Jack. Nothing!” He blinked at her, disbelieving, but when he tried to turn his face away she refused to release her hold on him. He needed to hear this and so she continued forcefully. “When your addiction threatened to consume you, you fought - _hard_. You called for help. When shutting me out would have been the easiest thing in the world, you are trying so very hard to let me in. You spend your whole life trying to be _better_ , Andy.” 

He lowered his gaze to the floor then, but she wasn’t going to allow him to hide from her any more. “Andy, look at me.” Slowly, he lifted his gaze to meet hers. “You couldn’t be more different from Jack if you tried.” They were both crying now, silent sobs shaking Andy as he listened to her words. “Don’t you ever - _ever_ \- think that you’re not good enough. Do you hear me?” He nodded slowly, his breath coming in shuddering gasps. Her thumbs stroked his cheeks as tears slipped down her own face.As the elevator finally arrived with a soft ‘ding’, she leaned her forehead against his and sighed quietly. “You are the best man I know,” she whispered, looking into his tortured eyes. “And I love you.”

 

✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻

 

It wasn’t until they were back in the hotel room, Andy seated defeatedly on the bed, that Sharon noticed a bloody scrape across the knuckles of his right hand. Touching it lightly with her thumb, she looked at him, concerned.

“What happened here?” she asked quietly.

Andy scrunched his face up, casting his mind back over the day’s events. 

“I think I hit the wall at the hospital,” he admitted after a moment’s thought. “I don't really remember…I was so _angry_ …”

Angry? What on earth for? This had to be about more than the imminent death of a friend, surely. Sharon frowned and swallowed hard. As much as she longed to question him about the events of today, she didn’t want to push him too hard. If he was finally going to open up to her, it had to be on his terms - and he was so nearly there already. 

Instead, she took a deep breath and headed into the bathroom, returning a minute later with a bowl of warm water and some cotton balls. As she sat on the bed beside him and reached for his injured hand, she felt him shift his position slightly to face her. His free hand came to rest on her knee, his thumb caressing her as she carefully tended to his wound. It was a small gesture on his part, but in this moment it felt huge. She smiled up at him, earning a watery half-smile in return. 

“I’m so sorry, Sharon.” His voice was soft as he watched her continue her task, his dark eyes following her every movement. “You must have been through this a thousand times with Jack - you don’t need it from me now.”

Sharon dropped his hand to her lap immediately, an unbidden and unmistakably impatient hum passing her lips.

“Stop it,” she ordered, looking up at him sharply. “Stop comparing yourself to _that_ man. I mean it.” Andy lowered his gaze sheepishly as she continued to speak, her tone softening as she did so. “And actually, you’re wrong. I never went through this with Jack.” Sharon smiled slightly at his puzzled expression before returning to cleaning his wound. “If Jack wanted a drink, he had one,” she continued, head bowed. “If he wanted to place a bet, he did that, too. And as for the other women…” She sighed heavily. “Let’s just say that he certainly never called me so that I could talk him out of _any_ of it. I always found out after the fact.” She looked at him again then, her green eyes clear and sparkling vehemently. “I never once saw him fight to take control of his addictions the way that you did today. I never once saw him fight for _me_.” 

She gave Andy a wry smile as she finished her task and stood before he had the chance to respond, clearing away the makeshift first aid equipment and returning the bowl to the bathroom. When she re-entered the room, Andy’s cell was in his hand. As she climbed onto the bed beside him, he stared up at her with a resigned expression.

“Are you ready to tell me what happened?” she prompted gently, running a hand through his hair as she settled herself next to him. Nodding silently, his trembling fingers found the media app on his phone.

“I need you to listen to something, okay?”

She nodded solemnly and he placed the phone on the bed beside them, turned up the volume, and pressed play.

 

✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻

 

Sharon sat absolutely still, as though frozen in place at Andy’s side. Slowly, she turned her head to look at him, an expression of utter horror playing across her pretty features.

“That was your friend? The one in the hospital?”

“Danny,” Andy confirmed flatly.

“And Abby - she was…your girlfriend.”

He could only nod this time, the tears that were stinging his eyes made it impossible to see and the lump stuck in his throat prevented speech. Tears pricked at Sharon’s own eyes once again as she silently watched him. As she realised just how much he had cared for this girl.

“She was your first love.” It was a statement, not a question and he nodded slowly in response, although his lips pressed together in a firm line. “You can talk about it, Andy.”

He shook his head violently.

“You don’t want me to do that,” he bit out.

“I do,” she insisted softly. Her fingers stroked his arm, feeling the tension that was coiled throughout his whole body. “Tell me about her.”

Finally, he looked up at her, his expression shattered. 

“She was beautiful.” His eyes lost their focus as he searched his memory for the images he had buried so many years ago. “She was funny, and kind, and super smart.” He smiled as a brief recollection of Abby beating him hands-down at poker entered his head. “She was far too good for me.” Sharon was about to admonish him for that remark, until she spotted the playful glint in his eyes. “I was a bit of a rebel.”

“What a shocker,” Sharon drawled, offering him a small smile, which he returned. She ran her hand along his arm until it reached his upturned palm, where she linked her fingers with his. He held on tightly, amazed she would let him talk like this about a girl he had once cared so deeply for. 

“She made me a better person,” he added sadly. “And when she was gone…” His voice broke as he struggled to find the words to say what he meant. “When she was gone,” he tried again, “the better part of me was gone, too. That’s why I left - I couldn’t be here without her. As soon as I graduated high school I headed west. I ended up in LA, met and married the kids’ mom, joined the LAPD - and the rest is history.”

Sharon’s thumb caressed the back of his hand as she listened intently to his story, silently encouraging him to continue. 

“My ex didn’t like me to talk about Abby. She said it was disrespectful to her to talk about a previous girlfriend.”

Sharon’s eyebrows raised incredulously.

“Did she realise the circumstances? That Abby wasn’t just some failed romance?”

“She knew Abby died - and even that was more than she _wanted_ to know.” Andy let out a bitter laugh. “She didn’t want to hear it, so eventually I stopped trying to talk about it. I buried it.” He turned to her, his eyes filled with pain. “I buried it so deep, Sharon. I didn’t think I’d ever have to dig it all up again.”

“I know, honey.” She tilted her head to the side as her free hand traced the line of his jaw. He was still so tense, so angry - but most of all, so very hurt. It was killing her to see him like this. 

“We should never have married - we weren’t compatible and I was running away from everything that happened in New York. She was the first girl I met and she was about as different from Abby as it was possible to be.” Andy lifted his gaze to meet Sharon’s, his expression sheepish. “But then she got pregnant with Nicole…”

“Ah.” Sharon smiled and nodded in understanding. “So you married her.”

“I did.”

They sat in silence for a moment as Sharon absorbed all of this new information about the man she loved. She understood why he had been afraid to talk to her. Many women would have fled at the mere idea of dealing with something like this - a fact reinforced for Andy by the horrendous reaction of his ex-wife - and that was without the dying-best-friend-turned-murderer being thrown into the mix.

“Maybe you should talk to her about this sometime, once everything else has been dealt with” Sharon ventured. “Your ex,” she clarified, when Andy’s expression turned puzzled.He snorted in disgust at the suggestion, but Sharon persevered. “She’s not the same person she was thirty years ago. She might be ready to hear it now. It might help her to understand why things went so terribly wrong between you.”

“Is that what you’d want, if you were her?”

Sharon huffed. She couldn’t help it. She would never have behaved in such an appalling manner in the first place - and the tiny smirk pulling at Andy’s mouth told her that he knew it, too. She decided to choose a more diplomatic approach with her words, though - despite what she was thinking. 

“I always knew _what_ happened between Jack and I - I just never knew _why_ it happened, what the trigger was. I think that’s the thing that bothers me the most. It’s why I couldn’t move on for such a very long time.” She looked up at him and smiled rather forlornly. Her explanation was true. That lack of understanding had kept the sores open and festering for far longer than had been necessary for any of them. “Maybe being honest with Nicole’s mother would finally heal some wounds.”

“Maybe,” he nodded, although he wasn’t altogether convinced. Besides, he had a rather more pressing problem to deal with than his ex-wife’s attitude.

Sharon saw the shadow as soon as it crossed his face. 

“What is it?”

“I’m not sure what to do with the recording,” he admitted. “I know you probably think I should just hand it over to the NYPD and be done with it - and believe me, a big part of me thinks that, too. Danny deserves whatever is coming to him for what he did.” He paused, obviously struggling with his decision. “The thing is, Sharon - he’s never going to face justice for this. He’ll be dead before it ever gets to trial.” Andy took hold of her hand again as he searched her face earnestly. “He’s got two daughters. Finding out something like this about him…it would destroy them. I don’t know that I can be responsible for that.”

“You wouldn’t be responsible, Andy.” She squeezed his hand supportively. “You didn’t do anything wrong here and you never asked for any of this.”

“You think I should turn it in,” he said again, continuing before she had the chance to actually answer him. “I know it’s what I’m supposed to do. It’s the right thing to do.” He shook his head sadly. “I’m just not sure it’s something I _can_ do.”

Compassion for this man that she loved tugged painfully at her chest as she watched him wrestling with himself. Reaching over to him, she ran a hand down his face, her fingers trailing soft caresses along his jawbone. He closed his eyes in response to her touch, his own hand covering hers and bringing it to his lips to drop feather-light kisses across her palm.

“I'm not a police officer here, Andy. I’m not Captain Raydor. I’m just someone who loves you - I’m just Sharon.” She moved her hand up from his lips to brush her fingertips through his hair affectionately. “Don’t make up your mind now. Sleep on it. Whatever decision you make, I know it will be the right one.”

Andy smiled - a genuine, beautiful smile - as he brought his face nearer to hers, close enough to drop a kiss onto her forehead.

“You’re wrong, you know,” he murmured as his lips journeyed downwards to caress the curve of her cheek lightly. A quizzical hum was her only response as she leaned in to his touch, her hand resting at the back of his neck, keeping him close. “You know me inside out and yet you still love me,” he continued, mouth grazing her ear now as he breathed the words. “You’re not ‘just’ anything, Sharon.” Suddenly, he pulled back slightly, piercing brown eyes that shone with sincerity locked onto her face as he studied her. “You’re _everything_.”

 


	4. Hold On a Little Longer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER FOUR :: A/N: Here it is, as promised! See, I’m on a roll. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone for the lovely response to the last chapter - you have no idea how much I appreciate you all.

Andy had finally fallen asleep, the emotional exhaustion that the day had wrought upon him catching up to him at last. He lay on his side facing away from her where she sat next to him, watching him slumber. 

Even in sleep, his face was a mask of grief and pain. Peace was yet to find him, it seemed - Sharon had a feeling that may be the case for quite some time to come.

She jumped, startled, when her phone began to vibrate on the nightstand beside her. She snatched it up quickly, fearful of waking Andy now that he had at last drifted off. She checked the caller ID, raising her eyes skyward when she saw Provenza’s name.

“Lieutenant,” she answered quietly as she pushed herself off the bed, moving across the room to stand at the window, looking out at the lights of the relatively unfamiliar city below. “What can I do for you?”

The view of the Manhattan skyline from this particular part of Brooklyn Heights was breathtaking and she allowed the beauty of the vista to draw her in, calming her thoughts as she waited for her second-in-command to speak.

“ _I’ve been trying to get a hold of Flynn, but he’s not answering,_ ” came the grumpy reply. “ _I just wanted to check that everything was okay._ ”

“He’s sleeping,” Sharon responded, stifling a yawn. She hadn’t realised how tired she was herself. “It’s been a… _difficult_ …day.”

Something in her voice must have given her away - she kept forgetting how well this particular subordinate could read her now - because his manner immediately shifted, hisbelligerent tone softening.

“ _Do you need help, Sharon? With…_ anything _?_ ”

“No, I’ve got this, Lieutenant. Thank you.” Sharon closed her eyes and exhaled quietly. “Although actually…if you could check on Rusty for me, I would appreciate it. Only if you have the time.” She hadn’t called him yet today and she felt guilty for that, but honestly, she really didn’t know what to say to him. He would know immediately that something was wrong, and she really couldn’t face any searching questions right now. “I’m sure he’s fine, but…”

“ _A little reassurance never does any harm,_ ” Provenza acknowledged, understanding radiating through his voice. “ _I’ll take him out for burgers tonight, make sure he doesn’t need anything._ ”

“Thank you, Lieutenant.” 

Sharon’s voice shook a little as gratitude filled her eyes with tears, before they drifted back to the sleeping form on the bed. She felt slightly guilty for remaining so aloof with Provenza, but to be honest his compassion was more than she could handle at the moment. She had to keep the conversation as formal as possible. If she allowed him to comfort her now she would break, she knew. Then she would be of no use to Andy whatsoever. She sighed again. The day’s events had apparently left her emotional state in something of a mess, too.

“ _And Sharon,_ ” Provenza continued. “ _I’m just at the other end of the phone, okay?_ ”

She almost came undone, then. Whether it was his use of her given name, or the caring in his voice, she wasn't sure, but she was on the very edge of becoming a sobbing mess.

“I know,” she managed to whisper, her voice cracking. 

“ _Alright then._ ” He cleared his throat, embarrassed at obviously having made her cry. “ _You take care now, Captain._ ”

“Thank you, Lieutenant. I will.”

Sharon ended the call and stood for a moment at the window, her face resting against the cold glass. Once she had composed herself enough that she was sure she wouldn’t disturb Andy, she made her way back towards the bed, climbing on top of the covers carefully. Propping herself on her elbow behind Andy, she stroked his forehead softly with her fingertips as she leaned down to kiss his face. He made a small noise of contentment at her touch, shifting slightly and reaching backwards, blindly seeking her hand. Her fingers wandered slowly down his arm until they reached his outstretched hand, entwining with his immediately. 

“Love you, Sharon,” Andy murmured, his voice heavy with sleep. 

He tugged her hand gently forwards in his own until it was nestled against his chest and she took the opportunity to settle down to rest for a while, her arm wrapped around him and her body pressed flush against his back. As he drifted back off to sleep, she nuzzled her face into his hair, kissing his neck softly.

“I love you, too,” she whispered just below his ear. The tiny squeeze to her hand told her that he heard her and she allowed herself a small smile at how adorable he was, even in sleep. 

Tomorrow was a new day, Sharon thought as she finally allowed her eyes to fall closed. All they had to do now was hold on.

 

✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻

 

Sharon woke with a start the next morning to the enticing aroma of freshly brewed coffee that filled the hotel room - and the decidedly less enticing empty space on the bed next to her. She hummed and stretched, scrunching her nose in discomfort as she realised she had slept in yesterday’s clothes. She had only meant to rest for a few minutes when she lay down - apparently her body had other ideas. 

Movement across the room caught her eye and she looked over to see Andy heading towards her, freshly showered and carrying a large mug of steaming coffee. Sharon was pleased to notice that he looked fairly well rested, although his dark eyes retained a haunted expression that she longed to be able to heal. She smiled up at him as he placed the mug on the nightstand beside her before sitting on the bed, his arm going across her body to take his weight as he leaned in to kiss her good morning. 

His lips were soft as they met hers and she delighted in the feel of him as the light brushing of his mouth against hers gave way to firmer, yet no less tender, caresses. She lifted a hand to the back of his neck, eyes slipping closed and her fingers playing with his hair as he sucked her bottom lip into his mouth.

“Hey,” he murmured between kisses, his fingers stroking her hair away from her face gently. 

He ran his tongue along her bottom lip and she moaned softly, her own tongue darting out to meet his as she deepened the kiss further. Andy’s hand glided slowly down her body, barely grazing the side of her breast as he passed, causing her to arch into him, another moan escaping her throat. His lips moved from her mouth to carefully trace the line of her jaw and she took the opportunity to finally respond to his earlier greeting.

“Hi.” 

Andy paused in the highly arousing ministrations he was indulging in with his mouth against her neck and looked up at her, an amused glint in his darkened gaze. He allowed the hand at her side to fall lower, until his fingers were able to slip underneath the top that she wore. He pushed it up and she immediately pulled it over her head, discarding it on the floor where it was instantly forgotten, along with her hastily-removed bra. His sweater and t-shirt were the next items to go and Sharon ran her hands across his chest as he settled himself above her once more.

For a brief moment, it occurred to her that maybe he was doing this to deflect from his feelings about everything else that was happening around him. It wouldn’t be like him to do so, but he had been so very broken the previous night that she worried he may be replacing alcohol with sex as a method of numbing his pain. She ran her hand along his jaw, her piercing green eyes silently searching his face, trying to get a read on him as he watched her intently.

“How are you doing?” she asked softly, her fingers moving into his hair to stroke through the short strands.

“Better.” His voice was still shaky but the look in his eyes was gentle and sure - a far cry from the desperate, almost feral look they had carried the night before. “Really,” he added at the sight of her raised eyebrow. He smiled as he dropped a kiss onto the tip of her nose. “I’m not okay yet - nowhere near, if I’m honest - but I’m not the guy who was in the bar yesterday. I’m not in that place any more.”

“Good.” She believed him. Her eyes softened, her fingers tracing his hairline as her other hand stroked down his back causing him to shudder, his eyes darkening again with want. “And together,” she continued, her gaze never leaving his face, “we will make sure you don’t go back there again. You’re not alone with this, Andy.”

He cradled her face in his hands, his thumbs stroking her temples lightly.

“I know,” he whispered as he placed tiny kisses across her face. “And I’m grateful for you every single day.”

His mouth was on hers again as he gently used a powerful thigh to nudge her legs apart, settling himself comfortably between them. Strong hands stroked her skin as his lips moved to her breast, his tongue swirling around the hardened peak. Sharon let out a long, low hum as he worked first one breast and then the other, her body reacting to every movement, her skin tingling as if there were rivers of white-hot flame flowing through her- from his mouth straight to her core. Andy’s own arousal was evident, even through his jeans and Sharon could feel the heat pooling at her centre in response. She lifted her hips slightly to grind herself against him, earning a shuddering groan from deep in his throat that vibrated against her skin, heightening the sensations further.

It was as his fingers moved to the buttons of her pants that they were interrupted by the buzzing of his cell phone.

“Dammit!” Andy sighed heavily, resting his head against Sharon’s shoulder for a second before looking up at her, frustration clouding his face. “I have a call in to a friend at the NYPD. I should really take it.” 

She nodded quickly, touching a reassuring hand to his face. 

“Of course you must.” She prodded him gently when he hesitated. “ _Go_!”

As he crossed the room to take the call, Sharon pushed herself upright, tugging the comforter around her as she lifted her coffee from the nightstand. Taking a long drink, she tried to ignore the various parts of her body that were practically vibrating with need, crying out for his touch. 

Finally, she could take it no longer. As he paced across the room in front of the bed one more time, shirtless, his muscles flexing as he gestured along with his speech, she decided now would be the perfect time to take a shower. It was either that or jump him while he was in the middle of his conversation - and _that_ did not seem to be the appropriate solution.

Grabbing her clothes up from the floor, she motioned her plan to Andy and almost ran into the bathroom, closing the door firmly behind her and leaning heavily against it with a sigh.

 

✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻

 

When Sharon emerged a little while later, it was to an apologetic but resolutely more upbeat Andy. He was sitting at the small desk in the corner of the room, her laptop open in front of him as he carefully studied a map of the area. She came to stand behind him, wrapping her arms around his neck as she kissed his cheek softly.

“Sorry I ran away,” she murmured next to his ear. “I needed to…cool off a little.”

He smirked up at her and she felt a blush creeping across her cheeks - an occurrence which appeared to delight the man in front of her. Reaching up, he took hold of her arm and tugged her around to the side of him, before gently pulling her down into his lap. His hand slid into her hair as he closed the distance between them, pressing his lips to hers in the sweetest of kisses.

“I can’t think why,” he replied blithely. She scowled at him in response, which only caused his smirk to widen even more - until she narrowed her eyes dangerously. “Anyway,” he continued, changing the subject before she could decide to punish him for his cheek. “I think I know what I’m going to do about Danny.”

Sharon’s expression softened instantly and she relaxed into him, her fingers absently playing with the short hair at the back of his neck.

“What did you decide?” she asked softly.

“Nick - my friend at the NYPD - found out that Abby’s dad still lives here in Brooklyn. Not far from the hotel, actually. So, I think I’m going to go see him - give him the recording.” Sharon continued to listen, a small but encouraging smile gracing her lips. “He’s the only one who really matters in all this,” Andy continued, reassured by her expression. “Danny will die either way - probably within a few days - so he’ll never have to deal with the consequences. His kids…well, maybe they never have to find out - and if they do, they’ll get through it together. But her dad…” His voice cracked and he dropped his gaze as he fought to regain his composure. “Her dad has lived with this for over thirty years, never knowing what happened…never knowing who took his baby girl away.” The tears were escaping now and Sharon touched a hand to his face tenderly as her eyes filled with sorrow. “He deserves to know, Sharon. _He deserves the_ _truth_.”

He looked up at her then, his eyes begging her to understand his decision. She nodded firmly.

“He does,” she agreed as she caressed his cheek.

“What he does with it after that is his decision,” Andy added firmly.

“I agree with you.” Sharon smiled at the look of surprise that crossed his handsome features. “I think you’ve made absolutely the right choice. I’m proud of you.”

She kissed his forehead as his arms slipped around her waist, holding her close.

“Thank you.” It was a whisper, but it was heartfelt. 

They held each other tight for a few moments, the relief that a decision had been made finally lifting some of the weight that they each had been carrying for the past 24 hours.

“There’s something else I need to do, before I visit Abby’s father.” Andy spoke finally, his voice stronger now.

“What is it?”

“I need to find a meeting and I was wondering - would you come with me?”

His expression was so earnest, so pleading, that she could no more have refused him in that moment than she could fly to the moon.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded sadly.

“I need you, Sharon. I want to make sure I hit a meeting - and not a bar…” 

He smiled ruefully at her but his eyes were dull again now, raw pain simmering just below the surface. He really didn’t trust himself, she realised sadly, her heart breaking for him all over again. 

“Of course I’ll go with you.” She pressed her lips to his, humming lightly as his hand slid up her back to cradle her neck. “Whatever you need. We do this together.”

 

✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻

 

It was late morning when they arrived on the quiet, residential street where Abby’s father still lived. Andy had been surprised that he had stayed in the same place - he remembered frequently visiting this home over the year that he and Abby were together, recalled how it had been a happy place, full of warmth and love. Now, it just seemed sad to him as he stood on the street outside. Maybe that was the effect that thirty years of pain had on a place. 

Sharon gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, snapping him out of his reverie. He turned to look down at her and smiled sadly.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come in with you?” she offered.

He had decided after the AA meeting that he would speak with Abby’s father alone and while Sharon understood why, she hated the idea of him being unsupported. He squeezed her hand this time, before bringing it to his lips to bestow a kiss upon her palm. 

“I’m sure. I need to talk to him alone.” 

She frowned slightly but nodded.

“Alright.” She stood on tiptoes so that she could press a quick kiss to his lips. “I’ll be in the coffee shop across the street. Call me if you need me.”

He nodded, leaning down to kiss her once more before taking a deep breath and heading resolutely up the front porch steps and into his past.

 

✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻

 

It had been an hour since Andy had disappeared into the small, single-storey house across the street from where Sharon now sat, gazing out of the window of the almost-empty café. She was on her second cup of coffee - her third if she counted the one she had drunk back at the hotel - and the tiny knot of anxiety that had formed in the pit of her belly was beginning to grow into a rather larger, caffeine-fuelled mass.

Finally, she saw him emerge and make his way slowly towards her building. He looked tired and drawn, as if the meeting had taken every ounce of energy he had left. She stood as he entered the coffee shop, moving towards him quickly. Seeing her coming, he opened his arms just as she reached him, pulling her into a tight hug. Andy held her close for several minutes, just breathing in her familiar scent, allowing her warmth to seep into him, and drag him back to the present - _back to her_. 

“Let’s get out of here,” he murmured eventually, taking her hand when she agreed and exiting the café to the street outside.

Leading Sharon onto the sidewalk, he wrapped a strong arm around her shoulders, tucking her into his side as they walked together in the freezing winter air. She moved her own arm to rest at his waist and he smiled down at her, dropping a kiss onto the top of her head. 

“How did it go?” she asked quietly after they had walked a couple of blocks. 

Andy slowed as he considered his response, before stopping altogether and turning to face her, taking her hands in his own.

“It was good,” he decided at last. “I mean, it was _awful_ …” Sharon nodded sadly. Of course it was - a conversation like that was always a terrible one to have, whatever the circumstances. “But it was good, too,” Andy continued firmly. “He was grateful to find out the truth. I think some of the things he imagined over the years were so terrible that this came as something of a relief.” 

Sharon hummed thoughtfully as she considered his words, her heart hurting for the elderly gentleman they were now leaving behind them. 

“I left him my details,” Andy added. “In case he goes to the police. They’ll obviously want to contact me to verify the situation and obtain the original recording.” He gave her a knowing look. This was his way of acquiescing to the rules - and he wanted to make sure she knew it. She smiled sweetly at him, but resolutely refused to give him the satisfaction of a verbal response. _Typical_. He grinned at her, shaking his head.

Another thought crossed Andy’s mind then, and he let out a mirthless laugh. 

“I always worried that he thought it was me that killed her - I’m sure there are _several_ people who did - but today he said…” Andy raised his eyes to the sky, fighting back the emotion as the old man’s words came back to him. “He said he knew I couldn’t have done it, because all he ever saw when I looked at her, was _love_. He was right, Sharon. I _did_ love her. I loved her so much…”

His face crumpled then and she caught him as his body sagged, her arms going tightly around his neck. He clung to her as deep, shuddering breaths racked his body, as he at last allowed himself to grieve for the girl he had lost a lifetime ago. Relief flooded through him, replacing the anguish he had been carrying for so long as he suddenly realised that, with Sharon, he had finally found the strength to let go of the past. With her, he had found hope for a future that was worth holding on to.


	5. Hope For the Weary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Finally, we have reached the end of this little tale. I can’t believe 5 chapters could take so flippin’ long to finish! But at least I got it done before the S4 premiere - yay, me :)

It was just beginning to snow lightly, the air around them warming a little as they stood in silence, holding each other. Neither of them was sure how long they had lingered on the sidewalk, although certainly it was enough time for fingers and noses to become numb with the cold - and for Andy to have cried himself out.

He lifted his head from her shoulder when Sharon stepped back from him slightly, her hands moving to cup his face as she studied him. He was calm now - serene, even. The peace that had been eluding him finally seeming to have settled within his soul. When she smiled up at him, he returned it instantly, and she was encouraged to recognise that the light that had been missing during this trip was now returning to his eyes.

“Let’s go back to the hotel,” she suggested in a soft voice as his lips nuzzled the palm of her hand. 

She expected him to agree readily, but instead he shook his head, no. She frowned, confused.

“We have one more thing to take care of first,” he explained, a small smile playing at his lips.

“What?”

“Ah,” he whispered as he drew her back into his embrace, his lips pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Now that would spoil the surprise…”

 

✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻

 

Sharon’s face broke into a beaming smile as they approached the destination that he had been so secretive about. The Howard Gilman Opera House - where the American Ballet Theater was staging ‘The Nutcracker’ - stood imposing and beautiful in front of them. Less imposing was the young woman bouncing up and down on the steps outside, desperately trying to warm her shivering frame.

While Emily Raydor was not performing this year, as she was due to visit Los Angeles for Christmas, she was still helping out with some of the younger ABT dancers until she left. Upon receiving a call from her mother’s boyfriend this morning, however, she had managed to arrange a couple of hours of free time. Squinting into the snow, she squealed as she saw them approaching, taking the steps two-at-a-time before flinging herself headlong into her mother’s arms. Andy’s steadying hand at her back was the only thing that kept Sharon from being knocked flying by her daughter’s enthusiastic greeting and he laughed quietly at the scene before him.

“Oh my God, I can’t believe you’re actually here!” Emily grinned up at Andy from her position at Sharon’s side, before meeting her mother’s gaze once more. “I’ve missed you, Mom.”

Sharon kissed Emily’s forehead lovingly, her green eyes swimming with unshed tears. Tears which, for the first time in a while now, were of happiness. 

“I missed you too, honey,” she replied, voice thick with emotion.

They both looked over at Andy, who was now smiling broadly.

“He did good - _right, Mom_?” Emily teased.

Sharon smiled softly up at him, her hand stroking his face as her other arm remained wrapped around her daughter.

“He did very good,” she agreed firmly.

Emily rolled her eyes as the two of them locked glances, disappearing into their own private world for a moment and seemingly able to have a whole conversation without uttering a single word. 

“I don’t know about anyone else,” she interrupted eventually, “but I’m freezing my butt off out here! Can we please go inside?”

Sharon turned to her with an indulgent smile. She was about to acquiesce when Andy spoke instead, causing her head to whirl back around to look at him.

“Actually, I thought I’d head back to the hotel - give you two a chance to catch up properly.”

Emily caught the fleeting look of concern that crossed Sharon’s face before she schooled her features once more, forcing a smile into its place instead. Without giving either of them the chance to say anything, Emily decided that she may not know what was going on here, but she was going to take charge anyway.

“No way, mister!” Andy stared at her in shock as she marched over to him and looped her arm through his. “Mom and I will have plenty of time together when I come to LA in a few weeks, but with _your_ family and _my_ family and Christmas and _everything_ , I’m hardly going to see _you_ at all.” She prodded his chest dramatically to make her point, in typical Sharon fashion. “I want to spend some time with you properly - now!”

He raised his eyes skyward as she pouted up at him, in a near-perfect impression of her mother. Jeez, it was hard enough resisting one Sharon - what the heck was he going to do with another one? Meeting her steely gaze again, Andy sighed defeatedly. There was absolutely no point in arguing, he knew - and as he saw the way Sharon’s face lit up at the sight of her daughter making such an effort to include him, he realised that actually, he didn’t want to argue at all. 

Settling an arm around each of them, Andy smiled again as they headed up the steps and into the warmth of the building beyond.

 

✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻

 

The snow was falling in thick flurries as they exited the opera house some two hours later, each of them smiling as they turned onto the sidewalk. Sharon had been positively glowing with happiness the whole time they were there and he had loved simply being able to sit and watch as the joy radiated from her face. The visit with Emily had not just lifted Sharon’s spirits, though - Andy, too, felt lighter than he had in a long time.

Sharon threaded her arm through Andy’s as they started walking, her face turned up slightly to watch the snow fall, tiny flakes landing on her lashes. Andy wondered silently whether there had ever been a more adorable sight. He stopped walking for a moment to watch her and she paused too, looking back at him questioningly. He pulled her back andshe went willingly into his embrace, her lips parting in anticipation just before his mouth made contact with hers. He kissed her reverently, delighting in the feel of her against him as he contemplated what on earth he could ever have done to make this beautiful, intelligent, wonderful creature fall in love with _him_. She studied him as they parted, before bestowing upon him the most delighted smile he thought he had ever seen. With their arms wrapped around each other, they slowly turned and headed west, towards the Brooklyn Bridge and the waiting warmth of their hotel.

 

✻ ✻ ✻ ✻ ✻

 

They were cold but happy as they entered their hotel room a short while later, flakes of snow in their hair and a rosy glow on their faces. Studying her as he put away their coats, Andy thought he had never seen her look more lovely than she did at this moment. He crossed the room to join her by the window, drawing her into his arms and simply enjoying holding her close as they drank in the view together.

“I’d forgotten how beautiful it is,” he said softly, his voice a low rumble next to her ear.

‘It really is,” she agreed, pulling his arms more tightly around her as she rested against his chest, his body strong and sure as she leaned back into him . 

Turning her around to face him after a few moments, Andy bent down to her and tenderly brushed her lips with his own. He would never know what he had done to deserve this woman, but he couldn’t imagine his life without her in it and he needed her to know how he felt. 

He pulled back, his dark eyes intense as he sought out her gaze. 

“I love you.” The words were the truth but somehow they didn’t seem enough - yet at the same time, they meant everything. Anything else he could say would be woefully inadequate. He had never thought he would feel it again, this all-consuming devotion to another human being - he had given up years ago. He had given up after Abby. Then he had found _her_. Sharon smiled up at him as he stroked the curve of her cheek with his thumb. “I wish there was something I could do to show you just how much.”

His eyes shone with sincerity and she touched a palm to his cheek as she kissed him softly, a gesture of acknowledgement and affection. 

“You _do_ show me, Andy. Every single day.” 

She leaned back to look at him again then, her arms looped around his neck and her fingers running slowly through his hair, her eyes expressing the emotions that the lump in her throat prevented her from putting into words.

Suddenly, she grinned wickedly at him. 

“You know…” she murmured, her eyes glinting playfully in the lamplight. “I’ve never made love in a hotel room in New York City.” One eyebrow arched coyly as a smirk pulled at her lips. 

“Is that so?” He chuckled at her for the first time in days and her smile widened in response. She nodded, running her hands down his torso until she reached his belt before tugging his t-shirt free from his jeans. Her fingers slipped underneath the fabric, roaming the expanse of his back as he briefly captured her mouth with his own. “Maybe we should do something about that…”

Sharon hummed in response, closing her eyes as his lips went to work on her neck. She pushed him backwards, gently walking them towards the bed as her hands continued to meander across his torso.  

“Maybe we should…”

Their lips met again in a heated kiss, desire chasing away the pain and grief that had been hanging heavy over them almost since they arrived. Clothes were frantically removed, hands exploring skin, lips meeting before parting again in search of other, more enticing areas to investigate. Laying Sharon on the bed, Andy knelt above her, his lips beginning a journey down her body as her hands rested in his hair. He did not spare an inch of her skin, burning a trail down between her breasts, pausing to take first one and then the other into his eager mouth. She moaned in response to his touch, the desire that she had damped down that morning now reawakening and coiling deep within her. She was so aroused that it was almost painful and she was desperate to have him inside her. 

Andy continued his relentless exploration of her exquisite body, finally reaching the place she wanted him the most. Sharon cried out as his tongue swiped across her, teasing and tormenting as her back arched off the bed, frantically seeking more contact. Carefully, he pushed one finger into her, then another, his tongue never ceasing in its relentless and sublime motion. Sharon moaned, grinding herself down onto him as he moved against and inside her. God, she was so close already. She just needed a little more…

She almost screamed in frustration when both his mouth and his fingers abruptly left her. Opening her eyes, she found him hovering above her, crooked smile in place as he watched her struggle to regain her focus. He knew exactly what he was doing to her and in that moment she didn’t know whether to prod him or kiss him to make him continue.

“ _Andy_ …” she panted, her eyes begging him not to stop.

He ran his fingers lightly down her arms and she shivered, another small hum of arousal escaping her. Taking her hands in his, Andy raised her arms deliberately above her head, their fingers entwined as he held them there. Dipping his head, he captured her mouth for a deep kiss, his body hovering tantalisingly close to hers as he settled above her.

Sharon was done waiting. She needed him _now_. Wrapping her legs around his middle, she felt his smirk against her lips as she rocked her hips against him impatiently, his rock-hard length hot and twitching against her centre. 

Holding her hands in place with one of his, his other moved tantalisingly slowly down her body, stroking and caressing until finally it rested between them. Positioning himself at her entrance, he at last pushed carefully into her, closing his eyes and groaning low in his throat as he felt himself being enveloped by her delicious heat. 

They instantly began moving together with a matching rhythm that seemed as natural as breathing, their innate understanding of each other taking control of their actions. Neither was going to last long, they knew, but that didn’t matter - not when the sensations of skin against skin were _this_ exquisite. Not when they were here, like this, _together_. 

Feeling her climax begin to ripple through her, Sharon whispered his name, her body surrendering all control to him. He understood her intent immediately, his lips trailing kisses along her neck in silent appreciation of her absolute trust in him at a time when he had struggled to trust himself - there was no greater gift that she could give him. Their gazes locked as he continued to move inside her, guiding her through her orgasm until he, too, reached the point of release. Wordless understanding passed between them, a bond that spoke to complete intimacy, breaths mingling and hands holding tight as their bodies finally let go. 

Andy rested his forehead gently against Sharon’s as they gradually regained their senses, brushing a damp lock of hair away from her cheek with his fingertip. His lips brushed against hers softly, their kisses still sensual yet languid now that the urgency of the moment had passed. Her legs remained wrapped around him as her fingers caressed his face, pausing to rub gentle circles against his temples. Eventually rolling onto his side, he gathered Sharon in his arms and pulled her close, unwilling to relinquish her touch. As she rested her head on his chest, the love that they shared sealed them within its warmth. If the last few days had taught them anything at all, it was that no matter what happened, they would _always_ have each other to hold on to.


End file.
